A Man Walked Into A Bar And Went Aaaagh!…….Two Pints by Roddy Doyle

That post title is taken from my favourite drunken joke as a student (that would imply I had a favourite sober joke as student – I didn’t – I did virtually all my studying and philosophising and learning in pubs!). The joke went:

“A Man Walked Into A Bar……………………………….. 

He went “Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaagh”

………………………It was an Iron Bar!”

No matter how often I heard it I was guaranteed to collapse into a paroxysm of giggling – even today it makes me giggle, not because I find the joke funny (oh…… go on then I admit it……30 years later I STILL LOVE that joke!), but because the memory of laughing till I ached in pubs is well…funny! (Trust me – you had to be there!)

Pubs have always seemed to me places where some of the ‘normal’ rules don’t apply – talk shite at work and you’ll get the oddest looks…… talk shite in a pub, and if it’s real high quality shite, before you know it complete strangers will join in and start talking shite too! There’s also a sanctuary of a kind in pubs – it’s a place where you will find everything from the crudest of thoughts said aloud quite simply, to the simplest of thoughts said aloud quite crudely! It’s not quite ‘anything goes’, for even in pubs there are limits, but broadly a pub is a place where allowances are made, bonds are formed and the world is put to rights – or probably more accurately the world has the piss taken out of it!

So as a pub lover, I was intrigued to see how Roddy Doyle’s books “Two Pints” and the unpredictably named follow up “Two More Pints” would come over to me, a man who is, in my own tiny mind at least, a connoisseur of the humble public house and a skilled exponent in the art of over-a-pint-philosophy while under the affluence of incohol!

So how did Two Pints and Two More Pints come over to this pub aficionado?…………… I loved them!! In fact, and I say this sober, they are works of feckin genius!

Both books involve simply two men who sit at the bar and talk – all you get is the dialogue between the two of them. You never get to know their names or the connection between them and yet it gives you a wonderful insight into the world we live in, how people think, the way we can ‘bounce off’ one another and the fact that if you give most of us a chance, no matter what the topic, we’ve probably got an opinion, or even better a theory about it!!!!

The conversations link often to events that happened in Ireland and in the world and they are set out in date order between the 24th of May 2011 and the 25th of June 2014. On the way their conversations take in among others, the World Cup and the eating habits of Luis Suarez, Colonel Gaddafi, the Pope, tests for cancer, the retirement of Sir Alex Ferguson from Man Utd, the banking crisis, chemical weapons, Seamus Heaney and the names that David Beckham gives his kids! Each and every one is hilarious, and for all the shite the two of them talk, you read it and find yourself often saying out loud “You’re right there lad!”. Here’s a small taster………..

What The Press Said….

“If there’s one thing Roddy Doyle does brilliantly, it’s dialogue. All his novels have been liberally salted with speech, set out at such breathtaking speed that his characters don’t even wait for inverted commas!”

The Guardian

- See the Trogg died

– I saw tha’ yeah. Reg Presley

– With a name like tha’ he was never goin’ to be a plumber was he?

– It wasn’t his real name

– Was it not?

– No. His real one was Reg Ball.

– You were a bit of a fan, were yeh?

– I was, yeah. I was only a kid when Wild Thing’ came ou’

– It made your heart sing

– That’s the one. One of me brothers had the record an’ he left it behind when he got married, so it was always in the house

– Great song

– Brilliant song. Still.

– Could you get away with it now?

– Wha’?

– Callin’ a woman a wild thing

– I don’t see why not. I called my missus exactly tha’ this morning after the news.

– An’ she was grand with it?

– Fuckin’ delighted. I put me arms around her, I was a bit emotional, like. An’ I sang it to her.

– Nice

– In the kitchen

– An tell us – without invading your privacy. Did it develop into a bit of a Jack Nicholson, Jessica Lange moment? On the table.

– Not exactly no. But she put an extra dollop of jam into me porridge

– For fuck sake

– Blackcurrant.

– Nice.

And that is in a sense the genius of this book. It captures the way our talk in pubs shifts randomly from one topic to the next, it captures the certainty that alcohol gives to even the daftest of ideas and opinions, it captures the fact that every time somebody starts a conversation with you in a pub there’s that part of you at the back of your brain going “Is he taking the piss?” (because it’s a 50-50 chance he will be!), and it captures the fact that it is often genuinely hilarious! But the trick to getting pub talk right for me is to understand that most of the time, in the midst of all that verbal diarrhoea, there’s a warmth and a humanity, even between the most utterly inebriated of strangers, and above all to spot that, just every so often, there’s a genuine nugget where someone really does say something that’s worth listening to.

I read the first of these books in a pub to mark St. Patrick’s Day – and it was bloody hopeless – even though that book is only 80 odd pages I kept getting interrupted every 5 minutes by people asking “What’s the book about mate?”  and on answering I lost it to them for god knows how long before it came back to me! At the end of St Patrick’s Day I had intended to write a blog post on it while pissed – alas I only managed to achieve the latter part of that ambition! Which leaves me to be even more impressed with that Roddy Doyle as I like to think he wrote these books about the pub IN the pub! So not only can that man write, but he must be bloody awesome at holding his ale as well!!!

'I see people in terms of their dialogue

and I believe that people are their talk' Roddy Doyle

Book Rating - 9

%22Two Pints%22 by Roddy Doyle and %22Two More Pints%22 by Roddy Doyle were both published by Jonathan Cape. I WON both my copies in a giveaway on Cathy's blog at 746Books

Cathy had offered the books as part of Reading Ireland Month, the “Beggorathon”, which she hosted along with Niall at The Fluff Is Raging – it was a great way to find out more about Irish books, film and music and also gave me the excuse to lose myself in Seamus Heaney accompanied by the odd Arthur Guinness or six! So my thanks to Cathy for the books – they were great to read and as an added bonus they gave me excuses for being in a pub when I should have been elsewhere (you can never have too many of those sorts of excuses really!)